So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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