I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
