If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
