Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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