also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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