im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
