Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
