as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
