so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
