Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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