My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
