my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
