Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
