I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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