There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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