She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
