dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
