PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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