I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
