I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Randomize
