i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
