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Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
