She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Hippo gnu deer
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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