She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
