he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
