We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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