okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
