Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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