i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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