I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
