No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
