id be glad to
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
