all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
