You smell like a Billy Joel song
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
