we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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