He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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