it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
