too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
