I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
