I'm jealous of your bromance
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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