im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
