OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
