moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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