I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
