Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
