Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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