I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
