i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
