hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
