I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
