Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize