you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
